Stephanie Pace

Our trip to San Antonio was beyond description.  I learned a ton there and Barry and I had the chance to spend some real quality time with each other.  One of the things that I did while I was there was to go to a session at the edubloggercon unconference.  I went to a session called Web 2.0 Smackdown.  The format was one in which anyone could present the latest (and in each person’s own opinion) and greatest new Web 2.0 tool that he/she used in the classroom.  The only caveat was that each person could only have 3 minutes to demonstrate the tool.  OK, so for me, being a 2.0 newbie this was information overload.  I was overwhelmed by all the information and the WAY COOL new tools that can be implemented in the classroom to keep kids engaged.  I started copying and pasting links into a favorites folder so I can now go back and do some exploring on my own.

I also had the opportunity to have some down-time while I was there.  It was a chance for me to soak up some sun, read many books, exercise until I dropped and only have to worry about myself.  I decided to wait until I got back to continue blogging.  By the end of our stay I did not know what to do with myself.  ;-)  I was so ready to be home and back with my girls that I could hardly stand it.  We video-conferenced sometimes 3 times a day by those last two days!!  I am such a mommy and I love it.

Our flights on the way home, as opposed to on the way to Texas, were fabulous.  Everything was on time, we had refreshments, we had our bulk-head seats and a very short lay-over.  It could not have been better.  What hit me, however, on the way home was how infintesimally tiny we are.  We have this own bigger-than-life self-image most of the time in this world.  As I was looking down from the plane at all the farm land and on the Ohio River, I thought to myself, “I wonder what God really sees?”  It was mind boggling for me.  We have this self-absorbed outlook on life where we don’t think of ourselves in an analogous way as an ant.  But in my own thoughts in looking at the vastness of our planet, we are probably smaller than ants compared to God.  And the coolest thing is that he knows the very number of hairs on our heads Matthew 10:30, “And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered.”  How awesome is it that God knows us to the extent that even the hairs on our heads have been counted.  As I looked around me, I was so thankful that God in His greatness still chose me to be His daughter and that He has adopted me into His family.  What a blessing.  If you have not had the joy of experiencing that love for yourself please seek Him.  He will love you when no one else can, listen to you will no one else will and He will never leave you alone.

As you could probably see from yesterday’s post I was pretty anxious about getting on a plane that was originally delayed due to mechanical problems.  I think that for many people anxiety about present or future circumstances is very common.  I know that for me, when I feel like I am not in control, it makes me unbelievably uptight.  My anxiety, unfortunately, manifests itself in many forms.  I can be short-tempered, sometimes I can be overbearing due to trying to get control of the situation, and sometimes I just try to tell everyone around me where to go and what to do so that we can get moving.  A friend of mine once told me that I could stop trying to be the CEO of the Universe, that God really did have that under control. 

Do you find yourself anxious in situations that you feel like are out of your control?  As we sat on the plane two days ago and I was clutching Barry’s hand tightly and trying not to throw up, all I could think of was the verse Philippians 4:6 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”  As you can probably guess I was praying pretty hard at this moment.  I was out of my element, scared that we were going to crash and afraid I might throw up in the process.  I had an incredibly difficult time following the premise of this verse about being anxious about nothing.  But as the flight continued and then we got on the next plane I began to revel in the fact that I didn’t need to be scared because God, in His greatness, was in control and it didn’t matter how much I worried.  My worry wouldn’t keep the plane in the air and that we were kept safe by the will of God. 

As we flew out of Atlanta, and then over the Mississippi river I was awe-struck at the magnitude of his creation.  I began to see the beauty of the earth and the sky, with all the clouds around us.  As we got ready to land in San Antonio the sunset was incredible.  I ended my flight by just being so humbled at the magnificence that God had allowed me to see from the window of our plane.  What a wonderful and exceptionally blessed event to have experienced. 

I decided to find the verse in Philippians and as I read the verse I found also how true God’s word is when I read the next verse:  Philippians 4:7 “and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts, and your minds in Christ Jesus.”  As I read this verse it became very clear to me that as I prayed on the plane God granted me His peace.  It was not my peace.  I never had control of the situation, but when I finally decided to rely on Him and know that He alone could keep us safe from harm I was able to experience His peace and not only that to be truly blessed in the experience.

Ok, so in my last post I told you all we were sitting in the airport and I was doing one of my favorite things:  people watching.  As the day wore on, and it was one of the LONGEST days I have had in a while, and the more I watched and talked to people I was hit with how ungrateful we are as a collective group.  Let me tell you a little about our schedule yesterday and some of the things that happened and it will give you some idea of what I mean. 

We were originally scheduled to leave the Asheville airport at 11:07.  Then about two or three weeks ago that time got pushed to 11:40.  Now I haven’t flown since 1997, so I was more than a little apprehensive and anxious to get to the airport early.  I have been enthralled by tales of woe at the hands of airport security and I did not want to be the victim of last-minute anxiety manifesting itself in the form of me losing my temper and taking it out on my choice of innocent victim (namely my husband). 

Needless to say I made sure we were early enough to where even I wasn’t worried we were going to be late.  When we first arrived to check in things were deceptively normal.  Our flight was on time and we could go relax, I could blog, we could watch people and get to our destination of San Antonio early.  Not long after we were seated in the gate area our flight became delayed to 11:51.  I thought to myself, “No big deal, what’s 11 minutes.”  Not so long after that, “Mr. Delta”, with some chagrin, announced that there was a slight problem with our flight and we wouldn’t be leaving until 1:20.  Well, you can imagine our excitement. :-(   We were instructed to have a seat and we would be called by name to the kiosk to discuss our connecting flight changes.  Barry and I got a call from Delta on our cell phones updating us on our changes.  We were told we would be leaving at 2:06 and arriving at 3:13.  I don’t remember the actual time that we ended up on the plane, but we never actually got to speak with the rep at the kiosk.  He was also unable to help us with our seating from Atlanta to San Antonio, we were going to have to address that when we arrived in Atlanta.  So, we got on the plane and I can tell you at that point I wasn’t too nervous, but I wasn’t perfectly calm either.  We got ready to taxi away from the gate and the pilot informed us that we were going to need to add fuel to the plane due to some storms in Atlanta and perhaps needing to be in the air longer than usual.  So after about 20 minutes we taxied out to the runway and stopped.  We were then informed that due to storms in the Atlanta area there was a ground-stop in place and we would be delaying for another 45 minutes, and because burning jet fuel and waiting was not an option we would be going back to the gate and waiting in the lobby. 

We finally got back on the plane and lifted off a little after 4:00 pm.  Let me just share that at this point, my nerves were shot, my anxiety was high and I was more than a little unhappy that we were still hours away from the hotel room in San Antonio.  As we lifted off and my chest rattled with the vibrations of the two propeller engines and we were bounced around by storm clouds I vowed that I would never ride on such a small plane again…  I know that saying I’m never going to do something again is really not a good idea.  God often shows us that we don’t always get what we want.  I sat there and prayed for over half the flight.  It took me that long to let go and let God, if you know what I mean.  I know the Bible says, “Be anxious for nothing and instead pray about everything.”  Unfortunately for me, I was anxious and praying…

We landed in Atlanta and had just enough time to grab a bite to eat and then back into the air we were again.  Now along the way I had a chance to talk to three different gentlemen about their flights and how their day was going and in all of those conversations the men were seemingly somewhat upset over the state of their flight plans.  They all three used curse words in what I would consider a casual conversation.  I was more than a little taken aback at the casual way the men seemed to feel comfortable using words that make me decidedly uncomfortable.  It made me begin to think about what God must feel when he hears the words fall from our lips.  In Matthew 12:34 we see: “You brood of vipers, how can you who are evil say anything good? For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.”  What does the kind of attitude that these men displayed towards their circumstances and their choice of words say about the condition of their hearts?  When we gripe and complain about flights being delayed or not enough selection at the airport cafe or that we have to ride on an airplane with noisy children… what is the condition of our hearts?  I know that these things may seem trivial, but if our words show the overflow of our heart, then what is the true condition of our heart?  Is our heart full of love and gratitude that even though our plane might be late it didn’t crash with us on it . . .  or are we grateful that the cafe had something, anything, that we could eat . . .  are we thankful that God chose to give life to the screaming kid two rows back?

I think it is high time that we look around at our world and see how truly blessed we are.  We have planes to get us from city to city.  We have plenty of food to eat, even if it might not be exactly what we want.  We have the next generation to mentor and guide.  We have a responsibility to focus on God’s blessings rather than our perceived injustices and in doing so maybe our hearts will be filled with patience, love, understanding and compassion.  If we chose to look at the world with God eyes what then would our word choices show?

I’m sitting in the airport this morning getting ready to head to San Antonio for what seems like forever (since we’re leaving the kids with family).  I am surrounded by all kinds of people also getting ready to hop on a plane to go somewhere.  I am both excited and nervous and most of all just in awe at God’s creation in human form.  I see African Americans, Asians, Caucasians, old, young, middle-aged; people in wheelchairs or using canes.  Nobody looks the same, smells the same or is the same.  Except for one thing:  we were all created by God to serve Him and as I look around I can’t help but wonder, how many of us are missing the boat and in the process missing God’s blessings for us.  

I am overwhelmed by the idea that even though I am surrounded by a multitude of people God knows me.  I mean REALLY knows me and still loves me.  We can see in Isaiah 49:16 “See, I have written your name on the palms of my hand . . .”  With this verse we see that God not only loves us but he can never forget us.  Our names are permanently imprinted on the palms of His hands.  Here we sit, all with our own thoughts, concerns, excitement or whatever else we are feeling, and God is intimately aware of all of it.  The good, the bad and everything in between.  I don’t know about you, but I am comforted by the knowledge that no matter where I am, where I’ve been or where I am going, I am in His hands.

Paul.  What a man.  You know what’s so cool about Paul.  He’s just like you and me.  He made mistakes, he went through suffering, he persecuted believers and yet God used Paul to write a large portion of the New Testament.  Paul tells us very clearly in Phillipians 1:6 “And I am sure that God, who began the good work within you, will continue His work until it is finally finished on that day when Christ Jesus comes back again” God is never going to give up on us.  When we fail, which we do daily, (sometimes minute-by-minute) God is still working in our lives and will continue to do so until Jesus’ return.  How humbling to know that even when I am sickened by my own sin, God is using my short-comings to refine me and make me completely His. 

Do you ever have days where you just feel like throwing your hands up and saying I quit?  I know I do.  Thankfully God gives us the assurance in this verse that God never throws up His hands and says “I quit.”  We have an awesome God that is able to turn our failings into triumphs, our struggles into successes and our pain into joy.  All we have to do is let go of control and let God’s work in our lives begin.

Today as I was looking through my Bible I came accross the following verse:  Philippians 2:13  “For God is working in you, giving you the desire to obey him and the power to do what pleases him.”  NLT    I am so excited about this verse.  I have been personally struggling with how our sin nature is continually at war with our spiritual nature.  For me, this verse is so reassuring.  To know that once I invited the Holy Spirit to dwell in me, He has power over my life and gives me an internal desire to please him is overwhelming.  Not only does He provide the desire to obey Him… he also gives me the power to please Him. 

As Barry and I have been praying together and in our own personal prayer time, we have both been asking Him to guide our lives.  There are so many possibilities opening up for our future and it is both exciting and terrifying to know that there is a mighty creator at work in our lives and He alone knows where we are going and what we are doing.

Our desire in our lives is to live for Him; to teach our girls how to live for Him and to model Christ’s love for others on a daily basis.  For so long, Barry and I have followed our own paths and made choices based on what we wanted, not caring about what God wants or intends for our lives.  For me, it all comes down to this verse.  With the Holy Spirit in control, I have the desire to obey Him and He ultimately will give me the power to do anything that is honoring to Him.

Today begins my journey into the unknown world of blogging.  My intentions here are to share in my experiences while my husband and I persue adopting internationally, raising our two other little girls, my pursuing a Masters of Divinity in Advance Biblical Studies and most of all glorifying God in our endeavors.  I invite you to share in our journey by reading of our progress, praying for us daily and if God leads you to do so supporting our endeavors of adoption through a monetary donation.  Whatever you do, whether giving money, praying for us or simply following our journey we want to thank you for your support and love.